Oh, I recognise that feeling. I'm definitely in a similar place at the moment, outgrown my old art, have lots of new ideas and inspiration for the new direction I'm taking in my creative work, still exploring how exactly this will look visually and not a 100% ready to show yet, I want to share but simply haven't got much to show yet, my ideas pop up so fast but my creative output it struggling a bit to catch up 😅 Definitely feels a bit awkward. But it's good, it feels great to be so inspired again. I think as an artist and human being it's good to always be evolving...
First of all Happy Belated 50th Kelly..I just celebrated 59 a few days ago..you are beginning your 5th decade as I am about to end mine and so much of what you write sounds so RIGHT ON for me. I am in awe of your bravery to just be you and your ability to just welcome in where you are at TODAY! 2 years ago I upended my secure life as I knew it,left an unhappy 18+ year relationship and gave away 80% of what I owned including more than 2/3 of my art supplies as well and moved to Hawaii 6/3/23 on a false promise and lived in the jungle with a crazy narcissist and no support system. I then returned home a year later to the day (6/3/24) because I had lost my mom 3/23/24 and my baby sister was fighting a losing battle with AML Leukemia (she died last September 9/14/24)and my other sister was fighting a battle with breast cancer (after a year long battle she is doing well). I now feel a bit off balance, where there once was an even balance of three sisters, it feels off balance with one missing. We are finding our new balance as a tri-pod.
Since returning home, all of my stuff has been in storage and I am now living in my family home of 6 generations, in what was once my mom's bedroom. I am still surrounded by all of her furniture and boxes of STUFF. Once this room can be cleared of her things and the remaining things of my sisters, who stayed in this room while fighting cancer. It will become my Art space/dream~sleep space! I visualize it everyday, just how I want it~ with the the walls repainted a sweet soothing soft aqua with bright white trim and the furniture rearranged. My art table set up and all my supplies out of storage and all my clothes hung up and put away in my baby sister's highboy vintage dresser. The room smudged deeply of all the stale energy of those before me, my crystals scattered about just so.
It feels like then, I will finally paint and collage and create again!
Thanks for this Kelly. Something so beautiful in that image that was as if my post it for this moment. I led such a creative life for so long. Creating in a theatre space then it stopped and reformed albeit in a different but necessary classroom space and then it stopped thinking writing was my next way but I stopped this time. Maybe fear, doubt, I don’t know …just the kind of other things that derail us along our way. But there’s something still in me. I feel it from time to time when the wind blows harder around me. When I happen on an email and follow the link to read posts like yours on substack. My creative rebirth is taking a long time to come round and I’m not sure what will emerge from the blue but after your words I’m a little more hopeful, a little less negative about the possibility of it even in my early sixties.
I agree. Although I'm not an artist, my life has been full of pauses, reinventions, detours -- all (in my inner certainty) leading me to something I hadn't yet decided on, but knew that it must be something better for me. I'd call it faith in the universe. But, by any other name.... Blue
Oh I so relate to this! I am definitely in that awkward phase you describe and have been feeling that same urge to move on from where I’ve been in a fairly established art practice to something new that will reflect perhaps a new form of me that is emerging. A big desire for exploration and creative play in a new direction not yet fully formed feels ok and just going with it is a process.
Kelly, I totally relate to this! As we chatted in the Play Date yesterday, I'm recently retired and trying to find my way with my passions of writing and making art. Now that I have this time spread out in front of me, with not a lot of daily demands, it's a bit daunting!! How do I best use my time, what do I work on first, does it even matter, who am I to think that I can create something worthwhile?? All that "stuff". I'm beginning a project of going through old journals, writing an essay or two and making a piece of art to summarize each one and then creating a ritual to burn each journal and send the words into the universe. I'm hoping that this project helps me learn to play more with my creativity, to let the process of creating unfold as it wants to, and that I truly find my writing voice and the type of art to create that makes my heart sing. Too much to ask? Nahhhh:)!!
WOW what a FANTASTIC way to get rid of your old journals! I have an entire big bin of mine in storage taking up space in a friends garage, not know what to do with them. You have just INSPIRED me , more than you will ever know. Thanks so much and good luck on your creative journey!
You absolutely NAILED IT Kelly! I am on a similar path!
I’m glad I’m not alone!
Oh, I recognise that feeling. I'm definitely in a similar place at the moment, outgrown my old art, have lots of new ideas and inspiration for the new direction I'm taking in my creative work, still exploring how exactly this will look visually and not a 100% ready to show yet, I want to share but simply haven't got much to show yet, my ideas pop up so fast but my creative output it struggling a bit to catch up 😅 Definitely feels a bit awkward. But it's good, it feels great to be so inspired again. I think as an artist and human being it's good to always be evolving...
First of all Happy Belated 50th Kelly..I just celebrated 59 a few days ago..you are beginning your 5th decade as I am about to end mine and so much of what you write sounds so RIGHT ON for me. I am in awe of your bravery to just be you and your ability to just welcome in where you are at TODAY! 2 years ago I upended my secure life as I knew it,left an unhappy 18+ year relationship and gave away 80% of what I owned including more than 2/3 of my art supplies as well and moved to Hawaii 6/3/23 on a false promise and lived in the jungle with a crazy narcissist and no support system. I then returned home a year later to the day (6/3/24) because I had lost my mom 3/23/24 and my baby sister was fighting a losing battle with AML Leukemia (she died last September 9/14/24)and my other sister was fighting a battle with breast cancer (after a year long battle she is doing well). I now feel a bit off balance, where there once was an even balance of three sisters, it feels off balance with one missing. We are finding our new balance as a tri-pod.
Since returning home, all of my stuff has been in storage and I am now living in my family home of 6 generations, in what was once my mom's bedroom. I am still surrounded by all of her furniture and boxes of STUFF. Once this room can be cleared of her things and the remaining things of my sisters, who stayed in this room while fighting cancer. It will become my Art space/dream~sleep space! I visualize it everyday, just how I want it~ with the the walls repainted a sweet soothing soft aqua with bright white trim and the furniture rearranged. My art table set up and all my supplies out of storage and all my clothes hung up and put away in my baby sister's highboy vintage dresser. The room smudged deeply of all the stale energy of those before me, my crystals scattered about just so.
It feels like then, I will finally paint and collage and create again!
Thanks for this Kelly. Something so beautiful in that image that was as if my post it for this moment. I led such a creative life for so long. Creating in a theatre space then it stopped and reformed albeit in a different but necessary classroom space and then it stopped thinking writing was my next way but I stopped this time. Maybe fear, doubt, I don’t know …just the kind of other things that derail us along our way. But there’s something still in me. I feel it from time to time when the wind blows harder around me. When I happen on an email and follow the link to read posts like yours on substack. My creative rebirth is taking a long time to come round and I’m not sure what will emerge from the blue but after your words I’m a little more hopeful, a little less negative about the possibility of it even in my early sixties.
I agree. Although I'm not an artist, my life has been full of pauses, reinventions, detours -- all (in my inner certainty) leading me to something I hadn't yet decided on, but knew that it must be something better for me. I'd call it faith in the universe. But, by any other name.... Blue
Oh I so relate to this! I am definitely in that awkward phase you describe and have been feeling that same urge to move on from where I’ve been in a fairly established art practice to something new that will reflect perhaps a new form of me that is emerging. A big desire for exploration and creative play in a new direction not yet fully formed feels ok and just going with it is a process.
Good luck with yours. Sounds exciting! ❤️
Kelly, I totally relate to this! As we chatted in the Play Date yesterday, I'm recently retired and trying to find my way with my passions of writing and making art. Now that I have this time spread out in front of me, with not a lot of daily demands, it's a bit daunting!! How do I best use my time, what do I work on first, does it even matter, who am I to think that I can create something worthwhile?? All that "stuff". I'm beginning a project of going through old journals, writing an essay or two and making a piece of art to summarize each one and then creating a ritual to burn each journal and send the words into the universe. I'm hoping that this project helps me learn to play more with my creativity, to let the process of creating unfold as it wants to, and that I truly find my writing voice and the type of art to create that makes my heart sing. Too much to ask? Nahhhh:)!!
WOW what a FANTASTIC way to get rid of your old journals! I have an entire big bin of mine in storage taking up space in a friends garage, not know what to do with them. You have just INSPIRED me , more than you will ever know. Thanks so much and good luck on your creative journey!
It feels a bit daunting, but I’m excited to see where this takes me! I’d love to hear where your inspiration takes YOU with your journals!
Hi Kelly
I am going through a similar journey, and like you it is still in its infant stage. Thanks MaryJane